a break

WARNING - discussion of girl parts and womanly bodily functions contained within. The squeamish might not want to go beyond the end of this sentence. Just saying. Mel has some gorgeous pictures up over at Cabezalana if you're looking for something less... intimate.

I have been battling hormone-related mood swings of late. To the point where I was really frightened for my own safety and freedom. I made an appointment with a doctor, who looked like he might have been Margaret Chase Smith's doctor when she was young. But he listened, and he didn't order a bunch of stuff I couldn't afford, and he prescribe me some hormones. Not a baby dose to start out like with most people, but a mid-range dose.

The past month has been pretty brutal. Sometime in late June I experienced what I believe to be an ovarian cyst bursting. Holy crap. Pain like none other I have felt in this lifetime. Wow. Like someone was trying to remove my ovary with a grapefruit sectioner and no anesthesia. I have heard that pain compared to the pain of kidney stones or childbirth. Wow. I never never NEVER want kids. I mean I didn't before that, but I sure don't want them now. Yowch. So, after the cyst thing, I got my period like normal, but the mood swings kicked in within a week or two of that. And they got worse. And worse. And then even worse. I became irritable in the extreme, then depressed in the extreme and then angry and filled with rage to the point where I just stayed home rather than go out and possibly do real damage to some poor schmoe who happened to step in front of me in the grocery store.

Then I had the doctor's appointment. My prescription cost me $4 at Hell-Mart, where I also picked up some black cohosh and some DHEA, both supplements that have not been proven to do a damned thing, but that have been recommended to me by women who use them with great success. I asked the doctor about using the supplements, and he looked unimpressed, but said they would do no harm, so I got them and started taking them right away. Then the most amazing thing happened. Less than 24 hours after my doctor's appointment, I got my period. 15 minutes before I took my first dose of estrogen. Within 18 hours of that moment, my mood changed, I was able to sleep (9 blessed hours that first night!) and all kinds of things fell into line. I am no longer depressed or angry -- well, no more than is my baseline disgruntled state -- I am able to work and concentrate at much better levels. I no longer sit and cry when I think about life and what I've got for friends and things going on. Things are better.

So, what made the difference? My guess is that my period made the bulk of it. Pent-up hormones finally broke through, if that is kind of the right term, and things evened out. It could also be the emotional relief of knowing that I finally had medicine to help - often the knowledge of a treatment's eminent start is enough to start the healing. I don't know, and I don't much care. All I know is that I feel a lot closer to human now than I did two weeks ago.

Oh, I'm still grumpy. Things are not all roses and sunshine and unicorns farting sparkly rainbows. I still wonder why Sarah Palin exists, how people can be so stupid as to listen to or believe Faux News and any of the people on it, why nobody has bitch-slapped Pat Buchanan yet, and why Flush Dimbaugh can keep managing to find new women to marry him.

That attitude is not likely to change. But the depression and rage have dissipated, and I am glad. That is all I have to report today. Tomorrow or later on I might tackle politics or cooking or something fun, but for now I need to drink my coffee, make some breakfast and get to work.

Stay tuned.