Wednesday, April 28, 2010

I've been away

Sorry I have been absent for so long. It's been pretty busy work being me.

Since last I reported in, I have moved to a new home, gone on an intensive three-day workshop retreat thing dealing with sex, love and intimacy, had my church explode, lost my minister, and contracted what feels like the black death.

I can't tell you about the workshop, other than to say it was fabulous and challenging and I am looking forward to completing the next level in November.

The church thing was pretty nasty. The minister ended up resigning, under duress according to some. There are hurt feelings and accusations of underhandedness and betrayal in all directions. It is a nasty, nasty scene. Some people will leave and not come back. Some will return who had left - indeed, there was some gloating at Sunday's service, and it did not go unnoticed by those who were grieving the loss of their minister.

I just moved house and home to the great town of Surry, Maine, population just under 1,500. I moved here to be closer to my church and minister as I begin my four years at seminary. I was planning on being nurtured and mentored by the church and its minister through that journey. To say I am disappointed is an understatement in the extreme. It is being hashed out at church. I don't feel up to hashing it out here, too. Just know that I am mourning and angry and hurt and it will take some time for me to recover.

I also have some sort of pretty nasty virus/cold thing. I am exhausted. I cannot remember being this tired when I had mono in college. This is bad. Everything hurts and everything is tired. My throat was very sore for over a week, and yesterday I awoke with a swollen gland on my left side of my neck. So swollen and tender that I called the health clinic to have it checked out. They had no appointments, so they sent me to the emergency room, where I was swabbed for strep (negative) and then, fearing an abscess near my carotid artery, I was injected with dye and given a CAT scan. That came back negative on the abscess, too. Turns out, the doctor says, I have a virus. Go home and rest and push fluids.

I have no health insurance.

I can hardly wait to get the bill. Holy shit. I am already in touch with the hospital's charity care people to see what can be done to relieve some portion of the coming charges. Holy crap. Yeah. More stress. That's what I need.

So today I slept until after 10 a.m. and got up and have moved slowly ever since. Please accept my apologies for not having much profound to offer in this space today. I'm just not up to it. I have two different women from church coming over with soup later. One is bringing turkey, and the other chicken. I am looking forward to it.

Please bear with me. I'll be better shortly.


Jen said...

Holy crap, they couldn't have found a step between strep and a CAT scan? WTF?
And I'm sorry about the church; I haven't said much, but ours has imploded in much the same way recently. It's painful, as the pastor and his family are friends of ours. :(
Go back to bed babe.

Anonymous said...

Thanks, Dawn, for thinking of your blog readers, but you should hit the sack and stay there until you're better. I wish I lived closer to be of use. I also wish that sending positive vibes thing worked. You'll be better before you know it. Feel better, Deb

msladydeborah said...


I hope and pray that you feel better soon. Take care of yourself.

I grew up in the church. I am also the granddaughter of a minister and have many family members who serve in different churches. It is always difficult when hell breaks loose in church. This is the time when faith gets tested. It also the time when those who are meant to be steadfast and unmoveable will do just that. Those who are meant to move on will do so. And those who gloat will learn the lessons that the Universe has in store for them. The aches and pains of disruption and chaos can and will be repaired.

Hang in there. Get yourself some rest and think on the things that are good, beautiful and of the highest order.

Miss Trudy said...

With all that stress, no wonder you are breaking down and getting sick. Go to bed and sleep a lot. A LOT. Your cells will regenerate, you will feel renewed. Or at least, rested, and ready to tackle whatever comes next. Sending you good vibes here.