Nerves

I am trying very hard not to freak out.

I have this Big Gay Weekend coming up and nobody is behaving like they should.

My volunteers are bailing out for a variety of reasons, all legitimate, I just started a pretty big job that could keep me busy for a few weeks and make me some fair money, and the party starts Friday and I have next to no time to get everything done.

Tomorrow is my birthday, which means I don't work, and try to take the day to enjoy life, but I have so much bearing down on my I don't know if that is possible. I am scheduled for a massage at 10 a.m. and dinner with friends at 6:30, but so far the in-between time is pretty open. And I have the urge to fill it with crap.

I am worried that this weekend thing will be one of two things: A) a huge flop, with me and four friends sitting there next to a pile of fifty burgers that we eventually feed to the seagulls, or B) a huge success and we run out of burgers and water and hot dogs and there are traffic and parking problems and and and....

We created a list of things we thought people would like to do here on MDI. Hell, they're things we like to do, so why not? We sent out the list, tried to organize times and events and schedules, and only one or two people actually signed up. I have a gut feeling that everyone else is just going to show up unannounced. This is panic-inducing for someone like me. I am not entirely sure why, but it certainly induces panic.

So I have been trying to not panic. I am trying to stay calm, to remember that the less I try to force this thing, the better off we'll all be. I got a great note from a friend today, an on-line buddy whom I will meet for the first time at this weekend party, and she told me, "These cats won't be herded."

OK, deep breath in. And exhale. Good.

Right. I have to remember to look at it that way. Herding cats. It will be what it will be. People will come and have fun. Some will love it, some will bitch, and a few will probably even offer to help. I'll do my best and let go of the rest. I'll make hot fudge sauce and order the ice cream and cook the burgers and the rest will pretty much take care of itself. Anybody who complains will be given something to do to help out.

And I will have a good time meeting everyone.

Off to work. Stay cool, world.