Tuesday, July 7, 2009

inertia

I feel like I should be writing more. I have tons of ideas in my head. Loads of things I want to write about and share. But I can't get out of my own way.

The bra project was a delightful diversion - oh, and "Iron Maidenform" won the naming contest hands-down. The friend who came up with that name was delighted and pleased. Sharon, one of the organizers, was delighted to have the bra in her possession and now I have ideas for something else. But first I have to get some real work done

Work is rough this year. The economy is in the toilet, so lots of people are holding off on repairs and maintenance to their homes. I had a nice big-ish job in Portland last month, and I'll have another there next week, but otherwise it has been pretty thin. Some friends of ours in the Portland area have been lobbying pretty hard for us to move back there. I don't know though. There are pros and cons to all of it.

I like living on MDI, but Portland has a lot more going on, particularly in the winter months.

We have a great community of friends here, but we have friends there, too.

There is better access to charity medical care in Portland, and that would be good for Laura - she could get her back treated. Here, we have no options.

But living cheek-by-jowl in Portland again does not appeal to me. It just doesn't. I don't like hearing and knowing what my next door neighbors are doing, and I don't like them hearing/knowing what I am doing.

But there is work there, at least more of it than there is here. I have told some friends that if I can see six month's worth of work there, we could move. I can't just pick up and go without having some kind of income set up for when we get there, but I am not sure we can afford to stay here. It is discouraging. I love living in this part of Maine. Yes, I complain about tourists and cruise ships, but honestly, they interfere on a limited number of days each year. Most of the time, we have Acadia all to ourselves. The trout are hidden in quiet pools and streams, if hikers wander through, they quietly wander back off again without disturbing us or the fish. It's a pretty good life.

Except for the lack of work and access to medical care.

Yeah. except for that.

I guess what I'd prefer is that a move like this present itself in a positive way for me. But I don't see it that way. This is a retreat, in my mind, not progress, not an advance. Like I/we lost a battle of some sort. I don't know.

What I do know is that I have some metal that I need to make into a handrail for some customers. That will keep me busy today and probably tomorrow. The rest of the summer's work will fill in the way it fills in. There is not much I can do beyond schedule it on the calendar and follow the money.

And be open to what the world offers me. I have to work on that. I think I need to stop trying to fit the world into my schedule and to see what I can do to work in harmony with what the world sends my way. That will be my goal for today. Blessed be.

3 comments:

Dusty said...

So much to think on Dawn. It's hard to commit to moving, I know the feelings and emotions intimately.

twoladiesinwaiting said...

Iron Maidenform is brilliant.

The rest will follow.

msladydeborah said...

Dawn-where are you? I've been missing reading your posts. I see you're standing at the crossroads in your life. I hope all is well with you and your loved ones.