Thursday, January 7, 2010

evolution

I missed yesterday. My apologies to the three of you who were reading and hoped to find something here.

I am in flux.

Emotionally, I am in a weird space.

I don't know what's wrong, but something is off. I don't know what I want or what I need or what I don't want or might not need. It's a tough thing. It leaves me at loose ends and I don't like it. I feel like I am ready for some kind of transition, some kind of change or some kind of movement. I don't know what shape that might take, or how soon it might come about, but today was spent in self-care in an effort to get at the things that are bothering me most deeply.

I met with a friend for coffee.

I went to a meeting (topic: anger) (coincidence? you guess!).

I got a sandwich and went to visit some friends.

I soaked in an old-fashioned cast iron and enamel, claw-foot bathtub with hot water and essential oil of lavender.

I talked about love and life and emotions and communication and poetry.

I dipped artisan bread with herbs and feta cheese in olive oil and munched while chatting about all kinds of things with the cute baker.

I collected some bricks for a wee project.

I drove around the coast of Maine, got a little lost (both physically and metaphorically), but made it home OK.

There is growth coming. I can feel it. It may not be pretty as it happens, but there's not much I can do about it. I must do what needs doing. And I won't know what that is until I step into the fear place and take a look around.

Stay tuned.

2 comments:

msladydeborah said...

Good a.m. Dawn,

It does sound like you are about to go through the process of openining up to grow. It is not always smooth and attractive.

Sometimes we have got to shaken and stirred on the inside. If this never occurred we would become stagnant.

Diane said...

mmm. i'm feelin' ya. you've been thru the baptismal fire that's prepared you to take on a big project. wowee wow wow wow. should be a doozy. you can do it!!

p.s. make that "the four of you who were reading" (*grin*)